PSYCHOLOGICAL INSIGHT

It is generally recognised that we pay scant regard to the elderly in our society. Before criticising them I think it needs to be pointed out that we do this alongside a ridiculous fawning over youth. We seem to glorify the status of being young in a way that defies intelligence. I think this is totally contemptible and stupid and worthy of the staunchest reprimand.

But that isn’t the point I want to make here. What doesn’t help the cause of the older people of the present day is that they are a sorry bunch. It’s not just that we chose to disregard them that they appear to have nothing to offer, that they seem to have no insight or wisdom to impart, that there is nothing from their experience worth hearing about. I think it’s to do with the particular flaws that befell these recent past generations. They came from a pre-psychologised age whose sense of value didn’t allow much insight into their emotional well-being. Emotions were to be shut out in favour of reason and the materials of existence and survival. Reason was good, emotion was bad. Practical issues were more pressing than the complexity of a person’s inner life. Feelings were not to be trusted. They weren’t consistent. They were associated with women and women were inferior beings. Emotion was relegated to the lower ranks, something to be overcome rather than embraced.

Forget and Forgive

We hear so much about forgiveness, but do we truly understand what the big deal about forgiveness is? We read that if we forgive others and ourselves we are doing our spiritual work and becoming better people, but what does that mean to us? You can forgive that guy you dated a while back until you run into him someplace and then you want to wreak revenge on him. You can forgive your parents for your horrible childhood but as soon as you get on the phone with your Dad you are arguing just like you always have. So, what good is forgiveness anyway?

The key to forgiveness is to forgive from the heart, not from the mind. Knowing in your rational mind that your parents did the best they could to raise you is not enough to constitute forgiveness. That is why every time you are with your dad you still argue. If you really forgave him you would not be reacting that way. You would have compassion for his dream and understand that he is just expressing his point of view. If you truly let go of the pain of your childhood, your self-importance, and your need to be right about your point of view, you would not be taking him personally any more. If you were not taking him personally you would not be angry and it would not be necessary to punish him by behaving like an angry child. It behooves us to look at ourselves with honesty and objectivity. You can say you have forgiven someone in your life, but the proof is in the pudding.

If you have an emotional reaction in the presence of someone, your heart is telling you that you have not resolved your issues with them. In other words, you have not truly forgiven that person. All of this begs the question, how do we forgive? First, cease lying to yourself and stop telling yourself stories about why you behave the way you do. Stop blaming your behavior on other people and take responsibility for your emotional reactions. If you could forgive all the people in your life who have hurt or wounded you it would be possible to be in control of your behavior instead of being in reaction to other people all of the time. Imagine living life without experiencing a constant emotional roller coaster of pain, anger, and jealousy! That would be eternal bliss!

The important thing is to have awareness of what has transpired and be able to tell yourself the truth about it. Have you truly forgiven or has your rational mind been telling you a story that you have? Once you have determined what is truth and what is a justification, you are ready for the next step. Second, look at your life with clarity. Try to see what happened in your past, not only from your point of view, but also from the other person’s point of view. We need to be able to walk in the other persons shoes to understand why things happened the way they did. Well, if you felt like someone hurt you then obviously you took the other persons actions personally. You assumed you knew why they did what they did according to your point of view and your beliefs about their words or actions. Chances are that your interpretation of what the other person did or said was not what the other person had in mind when they interacted with you. The key is to imagine what happened from their point of view.

If I say that my girlfriend cheated on me and ruined our Love and hurt me, I am only telling part of the story. What about my responsibility for my half of the relationship? It is doubtful that I was a vision of loveliness throughout the entire process. I had to contribute half of that relationship because all relationships take the contribution of both parties. When I can see both sides clearly, and have compassion for my girl, I can forgive her. But if I am attached to my victim point of view and blame everything on him, forgiveness will never come. Chances are I will bring my anger and resentment into my next relationship as well. This scenario applies to all human interactions in our lives. Rape, physical, emotional and mental abuse, cheating, violence, etc… are all included. Yes, even what we judge to be the most heinous of human activities can be forgiven.

The truth is life just happens, and life is exactly as it is. As long as we are always judging others and life situations according to our point of view, we will never be able to have gratitude for the challenges and experiences life sends our way. No matter how enlightened a person you may be, things will always happen in life. People you love will die, relationships will come and go, the stock market will crash and rise, your car may be totaled but, if you have gratitude for life’s challenges, you will always be writing a beautiful happy story of your life! Even better, you will never feel victimized by your circumstances.

Forgive yourself for trying to control the people you love. And, of course, forgive yourself for not loving yourself 100 per cent just the way you are! The bottom line is that we forgive because we love ourselves so much that we want to give ourselves the gift of personal freedom.

Maturity

The therapeutic community uses the term 'maturity' a lot. It is a word that implies a healthy psyche relatively free of mental disturbances. In this sense it is the holy grail of psychology.

It is also a word that is abused. In some people's mouths it is mainly self-serving and can mean little more than a demand for conformity either of themselves or others.

As I see it the word has many connotations. In its truest form it is about responsibility, being broad-shouldered enough to carry ones own weight appropriately. I would say it obtains in having perspective, in having an overview which allows a coming out of narrow self interests to a greater understanding of the broader context. Above all, it should result in the knowledge that one's own interests and those of others are bound together.

In recent times, I've witnessed heterogeneous experience that, on the top of above written, made me ponder over wider facets of social values such as goodwill, fatuity, self betterment, preempting others for own sake, for example. I believe Maturity also delve into upbringing, the environment you have been into, and many more. For example, you are mature enough to kill somebody and save his life at the same time. Your inner self imparts prominent role into how you use your maturity, which eventually brings us to how are we have been brought up, how we have been living; in what environment.

We have gamut of mature proponents to drive us, yet there are differences. Do we have enough guts to challenge it, can we convert same to Goodwill? This is the burning question.

Death of Rock

Restating my contention here that the importance of popular music as it has been known (Beethoven to Beatles) will diminish in the future. The reason being that when an art form gets to be something that pretty much everyone or anyone can do, when the skills and qualities associated have been so resolutely identified, analyzed and perfected, it no longer retains one of its essential qualities which is: that the people who create it are doing something only a few can. It was their exceptionalness that gave them legitimacy and authority, their passport to importance. For this reason I can see the end of popular music as a cultural reference within a generation or two perhaps to be reinvented in another context at a later point.

This is not to say that music won't have its place, just that it will be defined by posterity rather than currency. The preoccupation with what's hot that presides today will become so devoid of meaning that currency in music will have little value outside of the truly outstanding which is the way it should be anyway. People will be more likely to look back decades and centuries for their appreciation cues. And even then that appreciation might be as much for historical interest as anything else as the benefits of emotional intelligence start to erode the demand for music as therapy.


Vehement enough by satanic predilection of roots de rock, I feel Rock is dying and so do I.